The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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