Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
