We're facebook friends in real life
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
can u get pink eye on your cock?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
