theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
