It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
