i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize