His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
