i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
