That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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