He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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