I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
