Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
