I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize