I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
