i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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