a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
