Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
