I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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