First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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