so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
