Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize