Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
