how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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