Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
