Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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