my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
