Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
