if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize