no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I forget how to act sober
You left your phone here
Wait...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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