At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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