the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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