Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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