I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
