the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
