I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
