P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
