i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize