You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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