I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
