I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize