brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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