I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
