Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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