I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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