worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
