I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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