He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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