His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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