ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
