how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
