I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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