we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
