Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
