don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
