: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he thought i was a dude.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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