If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
