why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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