lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
