his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
