I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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