They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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