i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
