I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
you made out with another girl for some wings
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
