My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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