Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
