My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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